Flori-duh: My Weird Adventures in Florida

Oh, it gets more disturbing…
(Look at all the rest of my photos so far from the Florida trip)

“I really enjoy forgetting. When I first come to a place, I notice all the little details. I notice the way the sky looks. The color of white paper. The way people walk. Doorknobs. Everything. Then I get used to the place and I don’t notice those things anymore. So only by forgetting can I see the place again as it really is.”- David Byrne (True Stories)

Florida is the place I lived in for 23 years, being away for it for just three months I have forgotten how odd it really is here. In the last few days I have seen the following, the rest I have deleted from my brain.

  • A Man Walking A Parrot
  • Kenny Rogers (Plus 200 pounds)
  • An Elvis Impersonator
  • Pregnant Teenagers x’s 1000
  • Lots of bad bleached hair.
  • Two Words: Blue Blockers.
  • Front Yard Living Room (Couch, TV and Table)
  • Skinny jeans and Mullets combo FTW!

The Florida state motto should be “You are now entering the Twilight Zone”, there is so much weirdness here it implodes on itself.

The other night driving through Tarpon Springs late at night, my carmates and I noticed a replica of Ecto 1 from the Ghostbusters sitting in a parking lot. We nearly had to pull some James Bond manuevers to get to the place where it was parked. Upon closer inspection it was called the “Holy Ghostboosters” and it was sitting in a church parking lot.

There is a section of road called US 19, it’s one of the world’s deadliest roads. I think they should really vote on it being the world’s dumbest road, as there is a fine line between Clearwater and entering New Port Richey where you can actually feel your IQ lower. It’s filled with Strip Clubs, Bars and my favorite the Gun and Tropical Garden Supply store.

We have a mall here in New Port Richey, it’s called the Zombie Mall. Not legally, but that’s what myself and some others refer to it as. Why? It’s been open since the early 80’s and now the general population there is in their early 80’s. There is hardly a packed day, even during Christmas and yet it still doesn’t die. However, the senior talent shows here are well worth a trip to this mall, if you can make it through the deadly parking lot with the blind spots of doom.

Oh, and I went to a car show at the cultural center of Florida known as “the Fleamarket” and won a floor tile as a door prize. One marble floor tile folks, they called it a “cutting board”. No, it’s a floor tile with little feet glued on it. I can’t wait to regift this thing. Anyone have a really tiny room? I should have taken the airbrushed Barack Obama shirt. Beautiful.

There’s no place like home,
-Miss Destructo

4 Replies to “Flori-duh: My Weird Adventures in Florida”

  1. As a Floridian who has not been away for three months, let me just say, “thank you for reminding me of the weirdness that is my home.” :)

  2. It’s going on 4 years since I moved down here from the Great White North and I thoroughly enjoyed your insight! Especially your idea for the State motto – spot on! I live in the Cape Coral / Fort Myers area. Not quite as much weirdness as you describe but enough to make me appreciate all you had to say. I love Florida and all it’s weirdness; makes for great writing. :D

  3. LMAO!!! I know exactly what you mean! I love this: “there is so much weirdness here it implodes on itself.”

    So true.

    I think I’ve seen the holy ghostboosters car before, over here on the east coast. They must have been witnessing to the heathens over on this side at the time.

    Such weirdness, and they say New York is strange. Pleazzze. It’s got nothing on Floriduh.

  4. Miss Destructo says: Reply

    Pfoinkle- It’s a daily reminder driving down US 19 of the oddity that is Florida. You are mighty welcome. :)

    Solarsoda- I think this side of the state has a magnetic force that makes people act strange. It may be the gulf of mexico or swamp gas.

    Karen- Holy Ghostboosters, you’ve seen that car? :)

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