In loving memory this Mother’s Day…

Who is this child?

She was to be my sun, the bringer of my own childhood. My defender, protector, and best friend. Her name was Margery Ann Nichols and she was my mother. Now with heavy heart I can say she is my angel.

This was her life…..

My grandmother and my mother learning how to walk….

From my mother’s senior yearbook

Beauty Queen- This is one of many of the newspaper clippings I have of this…. it was a big deal in the area, all over the news. Over 200 fire fighters were at the event, 20 or more vying for a date from the newly crowned queen.

After high school was nursing school…. she was a favorite of her nurse-mates and I have many hand written notes from them stating how much they loved their Ann.

July 19th, 1985— My first day on this planet.

The only picture I have of my father, my mother and me.

October 1993
This is when the world came falling down….

Cancer….. it came too soon, it destroyed this life slowly. I watched my mother die for three years.

She never got to see Jurassic Park (it was one of her favorite books) she would never take me to another Neil Diamond concert, or see me grow up into the woman I am today.

I vividly remember the night before she died I was angry at her and when she told me she loved me, I just walked away and went to sleep… only to be awoken by my father to tell me her three year battle was over. As I went across the living room to join my sister in the other room… I passed her body, wrapped up in one of my blankets covered with hearts. I was asked if I wanted to say goodbye… I didn’t… I just kept walking. I sat in the front row at her funeral, not a tear was shed from my eyes. I was too numb from the pain, fear of the future… and I was only eight.

Since then I have come to terms with her death, how things are…I can’t say I don’t envy everyone who still grew up with their mothers…as I have more than longed for the motherly hug or the way she used to let me stay up till 12am watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 with her to the dismay of my father. She was an amazing woman, im sad I never got to hear any of her stories.. im sure she had tons of them all nothing short of epic. At least I still have my photos to inspire me to live every waking moment in the happiness of what memories I still have of her.

Recently I got in touch with one of her former classmates and was shocked to hear what he had to say about her…

“Your mom was very intelligent. She loved to read and was the best writer in the school. She was one of the few that would listen to my poetry and crippled prose. I listened as to her as well, but she was so much better than I was. Have you discovered any of her prose or poetry? I did mention that she was the queen of our senior prom, right? She was very popular – not in a cheerleader kind of way, but in a manner that recognized her intelligence, grace, dignity and success in an ambiance of domestic difficulty. I have thought of her often over the years. She will always be treasured as a “huckleberry friend” during a time of adolescent dreams on Moon River. I’m not a religious person but if perhaps there is a heaven, Ann would be one of the mother angels. You have been blessed with a remarkable mother.”

I never knew my mother was a writer and the way she is described is different from the mother I knew, she sounds more like me! :)

This mother’s day be sure to tell them how much you care for all they have done for you, for you may never get another chance. Learn about their lives and you may learn something about yourself.

-Miss Destructo

26 Comment

  1. Justin B. says: Reply

    This is an amazing tribute.

  2. Matthew says: Reply

    Having just lost my mom a few weeks before Christmas last year, I can relate to your loss, and the difficulty that Mother’s Day is presenting – this one being my first without her.

    And it’s hard, so hard to reconcile the fact that I can’t buy her flowers this year, or take her out and just do what I can to make her feel really special for at least one day. She taught me how to be good and kind and do the right thing, and without her there’s a big hole in my heart that will never be filled. The six month point just came and went, and having mother’s day in the same week has been really hard.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and mourning with all of us – I know how hard it can be to do that… but I know it has helped me to be stronger by listening and sharing my experiences with other. The support I’ve gotten from friends and people all over the world has been amazing, and kept me strong and going on.

  3. City Girl says: Reply

    Your tribute touched my heart. What a wonderful surprise to discover you had much more in common than you thought.

    If you ever need a motherly ear, DM me and we’ll sit down and have a nice cup of tea.


  4. Claresa says: Reply

    This is a beautiful tribute. I’m sure your mother would be proud knowing that her legacy lives on through you….and that now you have the ability to share her life with others and touch so many people through *your* writing. Well done :)

  5. Otis says: Reply

    Thanks for letting us share this with you. Feeling even more fortunate to still have my mom around.

  6. RestedTraveler says: Reply

    Thank you for sharing this, Miss Destructo. I lost my own mother in April of 2007 to Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and it all happened so quickly … to quickly to absorb it all … hospitalized in February, diagnosed (finally) in March, gone in April. I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone and call her and tell her about something one of my kids did or about my day or to seek her advice. She was my own defender, protector, and bringer of life (and joy). I can certainly relate.

    You look a lot like your mom (other than the blue hair, of course). :-) You will always carry her with you in that way and many others, I am certain. I’ve got a pint-sized version of my own mom to remind me of her.

  7. Barry Moltz says: Reply

    An amazing tribute to your Mom. She would be proud to be remembered like this

  8. Brian says: Reply

    This was wonderful – thanks for sharing it.

  9. iAMsunshine033 says: Reply

    Thanks for posting this. It was beautiful.

  10. Karen ^..^ says: Reply

    This was very touching and sweet.

    We do have one thing in common… I too envy those who grew up with a mother, although I did not lose mine to cancer. I lost mine to mental illness.

    I’m floored by the likeness between your mother and Amy. Amazing.

    I’m sorry you didn’t have your mother. She was a beautiful and smart lady. Well loved.

    Rock on, lady. Wherever she is, she is proud of you.

  11. jess says: Reply

    this is amazing. i cried. i hope your day went well. i just found your blog and look forward to continue reading it.

  12. Words says: Reply

    This really touched me and made me want to go hug my mum.

    I’m always surprised of stories of my mum pre- my-existence. Wierds me out!

    I can’t imagine what it must have felt like losing her so young but you clearly love her and sure she’s proud of you. :)

  13. Miss Destructo says: Reply


    From the bottom of my heart.

    Thank you.

    It’s all of you that have given me a new life and daily strength.

    Matthew- You know our moms are totally hanging out right now :)

    CityGirl- Aw, I’ll take you up on some absinthe.

    Claresa- I often wonder what I would be like if she was still around.

    Rested Traveler- You made me tear up. My mom had lymphoma as well, it was horrible to see her have to go through everything. I wish everyday I was able to have talks with her and tell her about everything. *huge hug*

    Karen- *hug* Amy was like my second mom, as much as she could have been. She really does look like mom in the teenage pictures. I however look more like my dad, I do have my mom’s smile though and the height! :)

  14. Reverendp38 says: Reply

    I only discovered you today Miss Destructo but already I feel as if I’ve known you forever. You have the most incredible way of transferring your thoughts to paper (well, virtual paper in this case). You truly are an amazing writer and at the risk of redundancy, your mother couldn’t have asked for a better daughter by the way you represented her on this thread. I think it is very obvious that the greatest trait your mother passed to you is your ability to warm the hearts of others by the things you have to say. Keep up the writing as I could read you forever!

  15. Wolfje says: Reply

    I’ve read this entry already a while ago. A great entry and very touching. It also made me think and I wanted to leave a comment. I didn’t because I believe that my comment would not be on the right place right here.
    Still, it haunts me and as I’m always honest with my friends I will send it in a message on MySpace


  16. Allie says: Reply

    This made me cry. So beautiful.

  17. Nate says: Reply

    I got a bit teary-eyed reading this one. As I looked at the picture of you and your parents, I smiled a little . . . and then I noticed that it's the only one you have of the three of you. My pictures are precious to me, and there are a few loved ones that are no longer with me, and I only have a single picture to remind me. It's hard.

    Thank you for sharing.

  18. Amber, This is beautiful! Your Mom would be so proud of the woman you have become today. I can relate in some ways to what you feel only as you know, mine is with my Dad. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen to you, I'm here for you! *hugs*

  19. This is simply beautiful – thank you for sharing your mother with us… your angel, I am certain she is incredibly proud of the beautiful, intelligent, articulate woman you are….

  20. What a touching tribute Amber. Thanks for sharing it with us. It’s amazing how much we can be touched and blessed by people who come into our lives.

    Virtual hugs to you today and every day!

  21. *hugs. beautiful. my mom passed away from cancer when i was 20 so i feel some of your pain. i guess it really never goes away. i know i just always hope she is watching from somewhere and proud of her daughter as im sure your mom is of you.

  22. My mom also lost her mother at a young age and her father just after she married my father at 19. There is a sadness in her for the things she lost, but it has also strengthened her in innumerable ways.

    It seems that you have inherited many of your mother’s attributes. That’s what life is all about. Touching others and passing on your best intentions and qualities so that you help people grow and become better, stronger, lovelier.

    Her beauty is your beauty…let it shine and let others bask in your sunlight.

  23. Steven Buehler says: Reply

    I'm preparing to write an entry on my blog about my own mother, who died ten days before Christmas in 2006 from cancer just a few weeks shy of turning fifty. She had worked so hard to shed her weight from 280 pounds in order to avoid becoming a Type I diabetic, only to find out that she had lived with undetected cancer for probably 14 years that they had thought were merely ulcers or other upset, and it took her life six months later.

  24. […] Miss Destructo has done an incredible tribute to her own late mom that everyone should read. Share this:EmailPrintDiggFacebookRedditStumbleUpon […]

  25. […] Miss Destructo has done an incredible tribute to her own late mom that everyone should read. RSS feed for comments on this post | […]

  26. loanntt says: Reply

    Very beautiful, Thank you for share it.

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