“When there is nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire”- STARS
The weather outside in Florida isn’t the only thing that has been funky. Recently, there has been many life changes that have left me a bit in of what I like to call “mental swampass”. What this means is that, you know that feeling after you’ve been outside in the sun all day? That nasty feeling that leaves you feeling accomplished but sweaty, tired and just wanting to take a nap. Yep, I believe that’s called a “hot mess”… Oh yeah, I am totally there… someone please throw me in the pool, maybe some gold gilded half naked men serving me sushi and cocktails?
I haven’t been myself much lately, i’ve been quite quiet and a little distant. I’ve been reading a lot, thinking too much and not saying enough of what I should say to those I should say to in an epically poetic fashion. I can’t think of words, I have been finding myself in thought running into doors and almost cars. I feel like a stranger in my own town, in my own mind… I should be feeling better, my dad is gaining strength back, I just got a rockin new haircut, i’ve got great things going for me career wise, lots of trips coming up to Vegas, NYC, Atlanta and Greenville, above all I absolutely love what I do. Okay universe, okay… I get it… but why do I feel so foggy? I seriously feel like ET in that god awful Atari game, I just fell in that damn hole…
I thought maybe subconsciously, my mind knows I am turning 25 in a few short weeks. (July 19th folks..) That I have reached what Gala Darling has wrote about as the “Quarter Life Crisis” eh, whatever. I believe this could happen to anyone at ANY time in their lives. I just think that maybe our minds put markers on certain years to help fuel us to figure things out so we don’t end up making bad decisions for the next ten years… it’s a survival method. I am sure it can be explained scientifically, but I have a communications degree… as most of us know that will get out of me… a poem, a powerpoint presentation, and possibly a few blog posts on the subject.
Nah, it’s totally mental swampass that I am experiencing… just like the summertime, this can be brutally unkind or a way to detox yourself through sweating even though all you want to do is find a the coldest spot possible. I am learning to stay out of the cold, the cold as comfortable as it is can also be freezing. Maybe that’s why hell is hot instead of absolute cold, it keeps you alive to suffer and your blood boiling… I mean you could just freeze to death but… oh dear… rambling… see… mental swampass.
Get out of the cold, turn up the heat some more… be a fireball of life. Whatever is holding you back, take a swim through it. I am slowly reaching the other side of the pond, everyday making changes and fighting for my future goals. Getting things more organized, decluttering material items, working out almost everyday, eating better, cutting some of my vices and negative people in my life. I have to thank the ah-freakin-mazing friends, supporters and people that have unexpectedly came into my life recently. Uh yes.. drastically shifted my whole being. Kicked my ass. Yada yada yada. Pushing me to become a stronger individual and take some of the needed risks that I have been putting aside for awhile. Uber thanks to you all. Our time is now and the Beatles were right… find a little help from your friends. Just don’t tell them it’s because you’ve got a massive case of mental swampass.
Burn it up,