Simply put, without too much detail or spiritual reason…I have always believed that people meet each other for a reason. There was a part of my past I locked away for years with a plane ride to anywhere but where I was. I was left in the burning ashes of a great fire, thinking I had made the biggest mistake in my life. I realize now it had made me a phoenix sent into flight, if none of that had happened in my life and I didn’t take a huge risk and leave it all behind. I would never be doing what I am doing today. Things would for sure be majorly different if I had chose to let someone else be in control of my life. But somethings still stay the same in sinewy rhythms… fleeting but I still somehow have a pulse of memories that haunt me.
Time has passed… I am amazed with where life has brought me in the last few years. The road again has lead me to a point of great decisions. It’s my first time being single in a long while, I have a built an small empire in only a short time. I can honestly say, I am blessed. I love the people that have came into my life. My friends even my enemies. You all make it happen.. you fuel me. Yet. There’s something greatly missing… I should be healed, I should be able to trust. to love. to allow myself to be close to anything other a cup of coffee. It’s the only thing I know that will never fail me, unless it’s decaf. It seemed like I was starting to give up on the genuine good in people…
When I was a kid I made the realization that hospitals were the scariest place in the world, why? Because regardless of what the doctors and nurses jobs may be… they are human, they have bad days and generally they’ve always got another patient to see after you. Yet they put on this big stupid grin while they are sewing up your face. “You’ve seen me bleed and all I get is a lollipop?” I saw right through that false sense of monogamy, even at a young age I had a motto that “the only person who really cares about you is yourself”. Even despite this thought, I had a hard time believing that until I got much older. I am one of those people that cares about people…their emotions, their stories, their fears and doubts.. I want to help, I want to make them feel better. I don’t just want to stitch up their bleeding faces and hand them a lollipop. I want to touch them deeper than that, heal their soul. Time and time again I have made other people the center of my passion and focus, resulting in great disappointment and lack of trust in mankind when they would leave me in the lions den.
I guess I put too much expectations into humankind, society and the world in general…that people would wake up to their inner potential eventually in their lives with a little push. Yes, it’s a tough place.. but look at the world, it doesn’t suck. There is still tons of beauty left, amazing people doing great things even with little money or in the worst situations. That passion for life is exactly what I crave in people. I love to surround myself with these types… those people with their own glowing sense of style beyond fashion sense, they’ve got swagger in their hearts. After you leave their presence, you want to write a song, buy a one way ticket, climb a mountain or just post a few tumblr posts. They inspire you, fuel you, kick you in the ass when you need it and pick you up when you fall. You don’t even need to be around them, they can be away from them for long periods of time, but a part of them is always there shaping you. Yet, I always feel in a romantic notion of the sense, it would be nice to have that someone I can get dressed up and burn the town down with or just sit in a dark corner and laugh ourselves stupid at each other…a true partner in crime.
For the longest time I thought that true chivalry is dead and that made me very lonely. I thought there was no knights in shining armor, just jackasses in tin foil. I often feel like an alien in my own time. Until I find myself back in Roman times remembering spurting out “Et tu Brute?”. Someone ironically said last night.. “If you meet your match. He’s gonna have to either be a movie star from the past or a rockstar from the future.” Crapsticks, my time machine just broke and Tesla is dead. They are completely right… Whoever is going to be that one, they’ll be a walking anachronism. An old soul with a futuristic mind.
There will be no crusade or wormholes, as I have a feeling that will fall into place one day. For now the focus is shifted on taking care of myself and those in my life currently. There’s been a great deal of amazing progression happening at Destructo HQ, things that require lots of time and reorganization. It’s a sense of being blissfully busy I guess you could say. Among all of the chaos in figuring out the next steps, in the past few weeks I have learned to never give up on yourself or the world… despite the negativity, the critics and anything that has happened in your past. Learn from those times that hurt you the most…these experiences change you, you are the one to decide if they are going to be used to change your life for the good or for the bad. Despite the risks, despite the pain…. choose well, move on and love often.
Let love in,